Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I luuv Rachel Maddow *click*, Part 3

Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and the next available…

Thank you for holding. I’m now ready to reveal the stunning double secret probation strategery that Barack Obama will use to put the final stake into the Clinton Campaign. I will lay out how Barack will ease Hillary out of the race and shut down the Long March to Denver, the Convention and President-elect McCain. I am going to tell you what Rachel Maddow refused to hear, which is lucky for her. This long trilogy of rants (Part I and Part II) would make for a horrible week of TRS.

Senator Obama’s strategery is taken, as always, from the Greeks. Yipee! I hear you cry. Let me briefly tell you about the giant Antaeus. He was the son of Gaia aka Mother Nature, the first suffragette, hard working personification of the Earth, white personification of the Earth, and the original older, less-educated, truly rural voter. But we’re talking about her son Antaeus and his husband, former President Bill Clinton.

The giant Senator Antaeus “was in the habit of forcing strangers to wrestle with him until they were exhausted, whereupon he killed them; for not only was he/Hillary a strong and skilful athlete/candidate, but whenever he/Hillary touched the earth, his/her strength revived.” Robert Graves The Greek Myths 133.g The giant Senator also saved the skulls of her victims to roof a temple to Poseidon. Which is just mean.

Heracles met Antaeus while returning from his Eleventh Labour, The Golden Apples of the Hesperides and Maine Caucuses. Challenged to a wrestling match Heracles threw Antaeus to the ground several times. Each time he did so Antaeus (D-NY) arose stronger and more determined than ever. When they continued grappling Sen. Antaeus began to throw him/her-self down to the ground of his/her own accord. Heracles (D-IL), realizing where Antaeus was getting her supporters, lifted the giant politician into the air and slowly strangled the candidate until she left the race.

I’d like to point out that Heracles was originally was sentenced to perform Ten Labours. But due to the faint-hearted Superdelegatepeople and a couple technicalities Heracles was required to complete two more labours before he could run against a newly born John McCain.

This is Obama’s anti-Antaeus strategery. He is refusing to cast Hillary Clinton aside in order to rob her of the strength she gets from female outrage. I believe that Barack Obama will roll over and concede to every one of Hillary Clinton’s demands. He will give her all of the Florida and Michigan delegates she wants. I doubt that he’ll concede about her popular “vote” total coming out of Michigan but I think he will gladly seat delegates from two states that could be vital to winning the election in November. It robs the Clinton Campaign of any rationale to continue its fight to the Rules Committee in Denver. Even with the best possible outcome for her campaign Hillary still won’t have enough delegates to win.

How can Obama afford to be so magnanimous? How can he have the confidence to wage peace and give Hillary Clinton empty victories? Why is this not crazy? Why does it make sense? It makes sense for a reason that I suggested to Rachel Maddow in a previous phone conversation. (Yes, she takes my calls. This seems to do nothing but enrage me.)

It makes sense because Barack Obama has already won the Superdelegateperson vote in a landslide. Ever since Pat Leahy (D-Big Yap) opened his mouth, and perhaps long before then, Superdelegatepeople have been steadily declaring themselves for Obama. I agree with Rachel Maddow and David Bender, who also took my call, that political endorsements do not matter EXCEPT in one important manner.

Endorsements do matter to the MSM. Not only do they make it into the news they also shape the news. Sometimes endorsements ARE the news… in spite of the fact that they do not matter. They are a big fat juicy comfortable news peg upon which to hang your hat. They also make the Tim Russert-types feel all warm and tingly within their beltway. After all, if endorsements DIDN’T matter so much then everyone who attends the Correspondents Dinner wouldn’t matter so much. The rationale for slapping each other on the back and the butt would be much shakier. And we can’t have that.